I’ve been blogging in my head the past week and along with my thoughts was a repeated phrase … “I wonder … “, which soon meant my brain was adding the soundtrack of this song …
I Wonder … by Sixto Rodriguez
Who is that? you ask … there is a kickass backstory to this song and if you ever get the chance, I’d recommend watching the music documentary called “Searching for Sugarman”.
It was mostly the refrain, not the specific lyrics that were cycling through my head … I wonder … I wonder …
I wonder how many times you’ve been had And I wonder how many plans have gone bad I wonder how many times you had sex I wonder do you know who’ll be next I wonder, I wonder, wonder I do
I wonder … is there a dramatically different dynamic for D/s couples where the Dominant is the one with the life long fantasy of ‘Dominating’ … or when both partners were active in a ‘BDSM lifestyle’ first and came together as such. I am most familiar with my own circumstances which mirror the experience of almost all I know who are in a D/s relationship and that is one where the submissive had long time fantasies or recently discovered fantasies and brought her/his partner into the equation. I have had a sexual submissive bent since I was a teenager … some of my reading influences during that time were A Man with a Maid and The Story of O, both purloined from my ‘they must have been kinky too’ parental dirty book stash. My initial sexual experiences were with much older boys who very much held the reins. Although Frank knew through our early years that I read kinky book material, it wasn’t until we’d been married for over 20 yrs before I went to him and said … “I not only read about this stuff, I would like it to happen for us”. Of course he said “let’s do it”. He was my husband and lover. He loves sex … what was not to like … kinkiness and sexier sex. However there are times today when I say “that post was hot … it turned me on” and having read the same thing, he goes “eh?” … of course he’s happy to oblige with something similar but sometimes I’m not sure he’s coming from the same mindset.
I wonder about the love you can’t find And I wonder about the loneliness that’s mine I wonder how much going have you got And I wonder about your friends that are not I wonder, I wonder, wonder I do
I wonder … how much longer do we have together … and in the face of aging, how will we keep our D/s relationship alive. I have written in the past about the shortening runway of our life … you do get to a certain age where you suddenly realize there is finite timeline ahead. It’s inevitable that one of us will be left behind and/or sooner or later, health concerns due to aging are going to bite us in the ass and change our life dramatically. We have had a fairly recent taste of what it’s like facing those circumstances … it wasn’t pretty. I also wonder about the long term sustainability of a D/s lifestyle but that’s only ’cause I am in the middle of a funk right now … my submissive heart packed her bags and headed off on summer vacation. She needs to get her ass back here and help me get back on track.
I wonder about the tears in children’s eyes And I wonder about the soldier that dies I wonder will this hatred ever end I wonder and worry my friend I wonder, I wonder, wonder don’t you?
I wonder … and worry … what type of world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren. Frank and I find more and more that we are ‘checking out’, avoiding the bad news news. We have the sense the parameters of the world around us are changing quickly … we not only can’t keep up … we’re not sure we want to. Hermitting sounds like a solution … moving to a cabin ‘up the lake’ where it’s a boat trip to find us, cocooning in our own little world.
I wonder how many times you been had And I wonder how many dreams have gone bad I wonder how many times you’ve had sex And I wonder do you care who’ll be next I wonder, I wonder, wonder I do
… and then the man Doms me, spanks my ass, gives me the most amazing orgasms while fucking me silly … and my world rights itself again … hmmm … I wonder how/why that works …