Kinky Sex Life,  Our D/s Life,  Tell Me About D&S

The last frontier …

If a seer had correctly foretold our future as little as 3 years ago, I would have laughed out loud at the inconceivability of it all … us living a 7×24 D/s life, how we are enjoying our sexuality and kink more than ever before, writing a blog and meeting like minded people around the globe and last but not least, our bare all communications … including the ability to openly discuss ‘Public Play’ with Frank. When I say public play I am talking about something as simple as attending a BDSM club or dungeon type facility or event … or even just a ‘munch’ if we could find one nearby. In opening the discussion I had/have no expectation that we might actually do something ‘public’ ourselves. However, just to have him not entirely shut the idea down was an eye opener for me … and soon I was off online looking to see if there was anything near enough to be a possibility.

In some ways I guess I shouldn’t be surprised about his willingness to discuss it. When we lived in the city, he asked me several times to go with him to the annual Taboo Naughty But Nice event (it was the closest thing the city had to a large erotic convention) – but I never would. I worked as a senior manager in a large corporation and was always afraid I’d run into someone from work – uhh yeah no, wasn’t going there. He finally went once on his own … and came home with kinky lingerie … of course he did :>) … (for those not familiar with my previous blog, Frank has a lingerie fetish – that being lingerie on me :>))

On the other hand Frank is a deeply private person – I’m sure readers here know more about him than our closest family and friends and the fact he allows me such full disclosure on our life still amazes me :>). I don’t think he’s ever discussed sex or his sex life with anyone other than me. In our discussions, Frank also said something I thought was interesting … he’s never been a ‘guys guy’ – his best friends in school were women, my women friends were always comfortable confiding in him, and since his little brother (his closest male friend) died nearly 20 years ago, his only men friends have been the male halves of our ‘couple friends’ – some he’s close to but not that close. When I asked him if he would be able to talk about kink and sex with anyone in a munch or club scenario, his response didn’t surprise me … “if it was a woman” … ha! :>)

I did find a small club not too far away, although given where we live, it would require an overnight in another city. They also have regular munches. We also live only a day’s drive and an overnight stay away from the big city where we used to live, where there is a much larger kink community and therefore several selections for clubs and events. However, I haven’t taken it too much further than the initial investigation stage as I have a fear that the reality of the dungeon/club type setting and atmosphere might be so far from the idealistic fantasy version it would be a disappointment. However, just to be able to connect with a like minded community and have person to person discussions in a munch … that I could be up for.

I will confess I do have a secret fantasy about being played with publicly, which Frank knows about in general terms although I’ve not been able to share much with him about the details .. yet :>) However, given my age related body image issues, I’m fairly sure us actually playing publicly will most likely stay a fantasy and that’s okay … sometimes it’s good to have a last frontier out there waiting to be crossed.


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  • Floss

    I’m possibly biased because I enjoy a lot of them, but I think there is something to be said for giving these kinds of events a try, even if it’s just the once. I’ve been to some that were thoroughly disappointing and I’ve been to others that have swept me off my feet. Some people go and never return, some people, like myself, go and never want to leave, both I think are totally valid. I do know what you mean about having that final frontier waiting to be crossed though, I have that with certain kinks I’d like to try, so can wholeheartedly relate to that sentiment. Floss x

    • Nora

      Thanks for the encouraging words, Floss … I think if the opportunity was more available, it would be easier to just go for it (as in attending an event :>)) … having to plan makes it a little more daunting … nj … xx

  • Ella

    Nora Jean,I do think the open communication is something we should celebrate. There were parts of this post that didn’t surprise me at all. That you would be curious about Public Play actually seems like a logical step. It was unexpected to learn that Frank was willing to entertain the idea. Good for both of you. I know the steps you have taken recently are bringing a new intensity to your relationship.Ella

    • Nora

      Hi Ella … I think the amount of reading Frank has done in the past year has him almost as kink curious as I am (on second thought, maybe not :>)) However, attending an event is one thing … actually participating in public play is an entirely different level … not sure it’s one we would ever get to … nj … xx

  • missy

    I think that HL and I have quite a bit in common with you and there is definitely the issue of resolving how things might be in my head with how they actually are in reality. This would go for the club setting as well as the way my own body would be viewed by others. Having said that, although it holds me back, I don’t think others look at you in a critical way like that and the little experience I have has allowed me to see the wide range of shapes and sizes and ages out there. Most appear to be quite accepting of themselves and others seem to do the same. Being able to have the discussion is the thing and whether or not you ever cross that final frontier, that 8s what is important and connects you. 😊

    • Nora

      For me, I think I am more voyeur than exhibitionist … I’ve always been a people watcher and add in kink curious and there would be the drivers for me to go to an event. I’m not entirely sure about motivators for Frank as this is a relatively new discussion for us. Re body image – consciously I realize there are many sizes, shapes and ages out there – all beautiful in their own way … subconsciously, it is still a barrier for me. I could do sexy dress up to go to something quite easily but that’s about as far as I think I could go … but again … given where we are today, compared to 3 years ago, I wouldn’t shut the door on anything :>) … nj … xx

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